Jack Born On Marketing, Online Business, and PHP Code

I’m not a fan of watching the Oscars, but obviously I watched some of it, or else I wouldn’t be able to comment on Sid Ganis’ silly little self-serving monologue about the benefits of watching a movie on the big screen versus seeing it on DVD.

Sid is the president of the Acadamey of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. And during the Oscars he came out on stage and was given all the time he wanted to pontificate about the magic of experiencing these movies on “an eye enveloping screen, with sound coming at you from all directions” and something to the effect of “coming together in a dark theater with a room full of strangers that are brought together by the story.” That’s not an exact quote, but it’s damn close. I wasn’t able to find the exact quote online, yet.

Sid, buddy, if you think you’re in the “big screen movie business” then you’re an idiot. Because what we’re buying when we go to the movie theater isn’t a bunch of photons bouncing off a big wall… it’s an escape from reality.

Even those of us with pretty darn good lives get overwhelmed by reality and like to become enveloped in the fantasy of a good story. I’m sure Sid would agree with me so far.

But Sid doesn’t understand is that “coming together with strangers” is more often than not a detriment to this attempt to escape reality. In fact it’s a reminder of how much reality can suck.
For example:

• I can’t tell the other people in the audience to shut the f- up
• I can’t yell at them for letting their cell phone ring in the middle of your precious movie and actually answering the damn thing
• I can’t tell the parents of the two year old how incredibly rude it is to detract from my movie experience because they were too cheap to get a babysitter
• I can’t pause the movie in the middle so I can get up and take a leak after polishing off a $5 soda big enough to take a bath in

There are other downsides to the present day movie experience, but you get the point. What’s really funny is the universal nod of agreement as the camera panned the audience as Sid was remarking about the evils of DVD watching.

Sid isn’t the only one completely out of touch with their audience. It can happen to any of us, if we’re not careful.

When I build a website for someone, I have to remind myself that my client isn’t really buying a website. Depending on the client, they might be buying a chance to escape corporate America, or a way to attract new clients, or a way to reduce their workload.

One of the things I’m working on in 2006 is to get completely out of the ‘website business’ and give my clients what they really want… which may or may not involve a website.

Have you asked yourself what business you’re really in? Maybe what your clients really want and what your competitors are offering isn’t quite matched up and there’s an opportunity for you, if you see it.

I watched an online movie of a presentation by a marketing guru yesterday and he made some interesting points. He said that people don’t buy Fancy Feast for their cats… they buy it for how it makes them feel about themselves.

A recent example from my life:

My wife wanted to try out Infamil “lactose free” baby formula for our daughter. She’s very smart, but her desire to buy “the best” for our girl short circuited her logic. A little research online showed us that by and large, babies are rarely lactose intolerant and only lose their ability to digest the protein later in life.

So why go through the trouble of making a lactose free baby formula? Because people will buy it.

Next question… why do people buy it? Well, it’s not because their baby needs it.

(Back to my rant against Sid and the movie industry he represents…)

Sid, your whole industry is predicated on the notion that Hollywood can churn out a crap movie with awful acting and a horrible script… where the only exciting thing about it is the trailer that promotes the movie… and you guys laugh all the way to the bank.

Is it any wonder that Hollywood is out of touch with reality when a horrible movie can put millions in the bank accounts of directors, actors, and industry execs?

As I write this, prices for sophisticated home theater systems are coming down while the quality is going up. There are fewer and fewer reasons to schlep the family out to the movies. Heck, DVD’s are even in danger of video on demand services. I expect it won’t be long before we can order any movie ever made and have it streamed to our homes.

Face it, Sid. If nothing is done to improve the “big screen” experience, movies are going to go straight to DVD or go into simultaneous release (which one movie already did this year as a marketing tactic).

As an aside… I’d love to see a movie theater show some backbone and offer money back guarantees for crap moview (which they’ll stop showing because they know they’re crap) and special theaters for people willing to pay for a better, quieter, movie going experience. Bouncers sit in the movie theater and eject anyone making a disturbance. Your cell phone goes off, you personally reimburse everyone else in the audience for their ticket. Age limits on who gets in… blacklists for people known to cause problems.

Airplanes have first class… why can’t movie theaters?

For some of 2004 and all of 2005 I’ve been marketing a software package that I wrote called Ultimate Form Mail. My goal in 2006 was to take it from sideline project to “the big leagues”.

A big part of that was launching a new website for Ultimate Form Mail… which I did just a few weeks ago.

But I’ve also decided that it’s time to make a major investment in the packaging of the software, the code itself, and the distribution. So along with a new website, I’m happy to announce:

• A new release of the code, version 3.2
• A self-installer package that uploads the software to your server
• A new checkout system
• A new licensing system that I created
• A new affiliate system, for any clients that want to earn healthy commission checks promoting the code
• New volume discounts for bulk orders

The release of version 3.2 of Ultimate Form Mail is a major step forward in the code.

• Reply to visitors with attachments
• More powerful templating for emails sent to the visitor and website owner
• Simultaneous signup of visitors to your mailing list (third party mailing list manager, for example)
• More options for editing the emails that are sent out
• Even more security to protect against spammers
• Including the ability to stop most spam attacks before they even begin

With Ultimate Form Mail, you get a 15 day trial to test out all the most advanced bells and whistles.One of my goals in 2006 is to launch one new project a month. By project, I’m talking about ideas that have been rolling around in my head and worked on in bits and pieces through late 2004 and most of 2005.

In order to make that happen, I had to come up with a system that made it possible for me to manage commercial transactions (credit card processing)

One of my best clients hired me to take a disjointed old site and turn it into a dynamic site that was easy to navigate and easy to update.

As I worked my way through the project, I found myself calling upon almost every trick in the book that I had ever come across. Here is a partial list:

• AJAX
• Output buffering
• Force Type for nice urls
• Javascript DOM
• Zebra striping on some of the tables
• Server side cleaning of Microsoft Word and Internet Explorer garbage code that comes when the client copies and pastes into the web based content editor

At the risk of straining my elbow patting myself on the back… I am particularly proud of my use of AJAX on the site to make it more user friendly. Initially I was using iframes to generate some of the content but I was able to combine PHP output buffering with a spinkle of AJAX to get a much better outcome.

At the beginning of the project, I presented my client with two choices of CMS. I knew that they wouldn’t want to use the one I had created for my other clients and my own sites (as nice as it is) because they kept mentioning they wanted to be able to continue on uninterrupted in the unfortunate event that I were hit by a falling piano, meteroid, or milk truck.

For the security of the client, I won’t divulge which one they went with, but I will say that as good as the CMS was, it was lacking some major components that I had to add in to make it more user friendly.

I still can’t believe how little progress has been made with open source CMS products (or closed ones, for that matter) over the years that I’ve been building websites and marketing systems for clients.

This same frustration is what led me to create Ultimate Form Mail a year and a half ago: failure to find anything in the marketplace, free or paid, that did the job the way I wanted it done.

But I digress.

With the recent release of Word Press 2.0 I decided it was high time to revisit my first plugin: Static Jack.

Not only did I rewrite and update the code for Static Jack, and fix a few bugs, but I came up with an idea for an all-new plugin that I call “Safe Include”.

I also discovered that, unlike WP version 1.5+, WP 2.0+ plays VERY nice with Static Jack. It’s practically tailor made for it. I’ve tested it with several themes and haven’t seen any breakage yet.

If you enjoy any of my plugins, please

1. Link back to my site with a short blurb or post
2. Signup for my mailing list where I’ll notify you of several projects I have in the pipeline, and keep you up to speed with any of the plugins I have for Word Press

Download “Static Jack” plugin here

• Jan 25 : Ultimate Form Mail version 3.2 released!
• Jan 20 : Ajax Powered Directions and More
• Jan 6 : Static Jack Plugin Just Updated
• Jan 6 : WordPress Plugin - Safe Include
• Jun 12 : The Importance of Commenting Your Code